It’s bad enough to have a little tiff with your girlfriend, but what do you do when you’ve had the mother of all arguments? It’s very likely that both of you may be nursing resentment, anger,and a lot of residual upset. Luckily, there are ways you can patch up your relationship after a particularly nasty fight. It is important that you approach the situation in the right way: using compassionate and recognizing your differences.
- Analyze the cause of the fight honestly. Once things are calmer, you should begin to analyze the root of the argument. Did you do anything to contribute to the initial argument or make it worse? Have you had this argument before or is it a new issue? Did you give in simply to have the fight end? Or did you find yourself doggedly defending your position even though you no longer wanted to?
- Accept your upset and unsettled feelings. In the wake of a serious argument, both of you are likely to feel anxious and fearful. Will you break up? Will things work out? Rather than becoming clingy, controlling or needy, just accept you both will feel a little bruised and tender after a fight. It’s normal to feel upset and unsettled. The key is to simply ride out these feelings and behave normally. As you go on with your life together, the “leftovers” of this fight will fade away.
- If you’re revisiting a subject often and argue over it each time, you may need to accept that this issue could be a deal-breaker for you as a couple. However, if you realize after it’s all over that the conflict was not very important, you can take steps to eliminate that as a future argument.
- Decide whether you want to be right, or stay in this relationship. Stubbornly holding onto anger and defending a position which has resulted in a stalemate will only poison your relationship in the end. One of you will have to make a move. If you take the high road first, there’s a much better chance you’ll stay together.
- Write out a list. When you get into a potentially hostile discussion, it’s easy to sometimes forget what brought you there in the first place. Write out a list of talking points or things you want to say so you can keep things positive and avoid getting sidetracked into another argument
Method 2 of 3: Fixing The Argument
- Initiate a conversation. When both of you have cooled off, initiate a time to talk about what happened. Even if it’s a brief discussion, this is the only way to move forward. Try to avoid doing this too soon after the argument because feelings still might be raw.
- Agree to disagree. If you cannot agree to disagree on this subject, it will permanently damage the relationship. You can simply realize that your girlfriend is an intelligent, thoughtful person with an opinion differing from your own. In other words, realize you cannot persuade her to change her mind, simply accept your difference of opinion, be the bigger man (or woman) and take the high road.
- Apologize. This does NOT mean you are admitting total wrongdoing in the argument, but it’s likely you did something to contribute to it. If you apologize, it is highly likely that she will apologize for her actions as well. This is a big step in moving forward.
- Back off. If she’s not ready to forgive you or end the argument, let her know you’ll be willing to talk to her whenever she’s ready. Do not push for an immediate resolve or forgiveness. It will only make her angry and prove to be counter-productive. Take comfort in that she will very likely forgive and forget in due time.
Method 3 of 3: The Aftermath
- Avoid that subject in the future. If this argument does not come up frequently, then don’t go looking for trouble. Once you’ve determined that you’ll never agree on a certain subject, you need to simply accept that. If she tries to bring it up, gently tell her that you don’t want to have the discussion.
- Attempt to prevent future arguments from escalating the same way. All couples fight at some point, but having huge arguments on a consistent basis will ultimately destroy the relationship. Figure out ways as a couple to try and defuse arguments when they occur. Try to adopt a calmer and more thoughtful approach.
- Give her a small gift. Something as simple as flowers or homemade cookies will show her that you truly feel bad about the argument and want to put it behind you.